Doctor Who, Dalek I Loved You, Dalek, Memoir, Nick Griffiths, Gollancz, Orion, seventies childhood, david bowie, matt smith, radio times, tom baker, david tennant, jon pertwee, patrick troughton, william hartnell, peter davison, colin baker, sylvester mccoy, christopher eccleston, harrison dextrose

Bob the Blog

  1. Hi Ade - I love the Julian Plenti album and have tix for him at the Scala early Dec. There are some vids of him playing live at the Guggenheim in NY on YouTube, which are interesting, though you wonder whether he couldn't afford a coloured lightbulb.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6m7AFRHmTg

    Have seen his house band several times, happily - always amazing. Reckon we're due a new album and tour next year. Also just bagged Editors tix for next March, having not seen live yet, which is a minor crime somewhere between littering and theft from a sweet shop.

    Have never been able to get into New Order - picked up double Substance best of for a fiver in HMV, then put it back down - which is a shame. Joy Division, on t'other hand...

    PS I used to think Love Will Tear Us Apart was a Paul Young original.

  2. Hi, Nick. It's been a while. First off, can't wait for November the 15th... although I don't think I'm on my own there!

    Secondly, I know from reading DILY how much of an Interpol fan you are. I've just bought their 'Black EP' as well as the Paul Banks solo album 'Julian Plenti Is... Skyscraper'. Both awesome. Have you been lucky enough to catch Interpol live? I haven't but am working on it.

    Speaking of music, saw Bad Lieutenant (essentially New Order minus Peter Hook) in Manchester recently. Brilliant! As well as the new album, did an Electronic number, 'Out Of Control' (Chemical Brothers collaboration) & 3 New Order songs. And if that wasn't enough... a Joy Division encore of 'Transmission' & 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'. The roof was well & truly raised!

    And on that note 'You're my wife now'...

  3. Royston... Actually, that's sidetracked me from my intended glib reply. I've been watching the League of Gentlemen boxset with the wife, since it's a revered comedy (by those in the know) that I somehow missed out on. And it's had some brilliantly funny - and gross - moments. But it's the performances that are perhaps the most impressive, including those of our good friend, Mr Gatiss (having met him a few times, I can confirm that he is indeed a very friendly, unassuming chap, the sort you could imagine boring for Britain over a glass or two of cider, while he was too nice to yawn) - though I'd say that Steve Permberton's probably the best actor of the three. Am currently honing my "You're my wife now, Dave" impression. Is pretty good. Must try it on Mark Gatiss, should we ever meet again - bet he's never heard one before.

    Couple of points for Dave Lythgoe - you still there, son? (Is weird typing this knowing it'll be read by at least three people, but neither who they are nor where in the world they are.) Is Gatiss' Auntie Val modelled on Geddy Lee, I keep wondering. And I was hit by a double-whammy of delight while watching Ray Mears' new series, when his birch-bark-caneoing scenes were given a soundtrack of Big Country, from the Restless Natives s/t I believe. Mears and Adamson - bliss.

  4. Bet you find it wearisome shopping at Fortnum and Masons all the time though Nick?

  5. I'm afraid I don't shop in 'local markets'. Only authorised retailers for me, because I hate to see anyone other than the registered licensee getting the cash. Anyone else?

  6. What's your favourite pirated Who toy? A local market was selling an 'officially' packaged set with orange coloured Tennant doll with rubber sucker dart gun and darts (presumably to fire at him). Classy.

  7. I didn't! That's one teeny part of my Xmas list sorted. Ta!

  8. You boys do know you can get Airfix Doctor Who kits, don't you? There's a Tenth Doctor one with the TARDIS and Martha Jones available...

  9. Haven't picked up a DWM yet, and will hold off on paying 500K for your 'collector's copy'. Your Airfi memories brought my own flooding back. Liquid Glue - which, though terribly neat and applied by brush, if you please, failed to stick stuff. Humbrol Enamel paints - the smell of matt green. And the 'joy' of opening a new kit to discover proper rubber tyres. Sigh. Must add a kit to my Xmas list.

  10. Anyone else got a wrongly bound copy of this months DWMag? Mine has pages repeated etc. Will accept offers of around £500k from collectors.

    As for Airfix-I forgot the joy of trying to glue the transparent cockpit canopies down without streaking them with glue.

  11. Ah Airfix models-memories of stringy glue, realising that pilots were easier to paint BEFORE affixing in the cockpit, building a 1:72 scale Mustang, leaping over my bed and landing on it, trying to elegantly lift transfer roundels off the wet paper without them crumpling in half and sticking togther (or drying out en route to aircraft and thus tearing while being eased into position), the smell of the airfix paint, trying to put the damn guns in the damn housing in the damn warship models and not have them pointing in three different directions...

    I just paint warhammer dwarves now...

  12. 483. Quiz!

    I ran a Hallowe'en quiz a couple of nights back and thought I'd give you a chance to have a go. Click on the pdf at the top of the pic queue for the Table Round - identifying the spookily disguised famous faces. Feel free to add your solutions here. If anyone would like the three written rounds (Current Affairs, Spooky Stuff and Family Fortunes) to run their own Hallowe'en quiz, just e me and I'll pass them on...

  13. Interviews and stuff which I've signed forms declaring that I won't talk about, which is why i was necessarily vague. However, yes, I do miss question marks, and all sorts of punctuation; if only people's use of the English language were more refined.

    PS When you coming down for a curry? Next week sometime?

  14. What who moves are afoot? Did you miss a question mark?

  15. 482. Nostalgia Central

    I don't remember, but I imagine my love of Airfix models was included in DILY. Just watched James May's Toys (or whatever it's called) on BBC2, it being about Airfix, and gimmicky as it was, and presented by one of the Top Gear team (who think cars are great and are therefore risible), I did love it. Reminded me of trying to make a large-scale Spitfire with Dylan when he was seven or eight, and becoming impatient (parenting mistake no. 762), because I really wanted to make it myself and I couldn't bear any imperfections. Only child, see. Anyway, I've pressed Keep on Sky+ so the boy can watch it with me one day soon, and maybe it'll - I was going to type reignite, which would have been wrong, since my impatience hardly sparked an ignition - ignite his fondness for the toys of yesteryear. At the very least I can ask Santa to bring him some plastic stuff on sprues. Hehehe.

  16. 481. Who

    moves are afoot.

  17. 480. Best gig

    Saw Bloc Party in Brighton last night, with merely minor hopes prior to the off. And they were stunningly good. Just amazing. Anyone who's thought to themselves - as I had - hmm, maybe I'll see Bloc Party play one day... DO IT!

  18. 479. Dear to my heart

    As someone who loves his fish, I am deeply committed to the idea of sustainable fishing. A wee in the ocean as it is, I have set up a Facebook group to promote the idea, including info and a pledge to avoid eating non-sustainable species. If you'd care to join, you'd be very welcome...

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=158175381917&ref=nf

  19. 478. Who mode

    Spoke to Lindsay Duncan a while back, concerning her upcoming role as DT's latest companion, Adelaide, in Waters of Mars. Have very high hopes for that ep as a return to the usual form...

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/s4/videos/

  20. Yes, where is my butler? Bastard must have died.

  21. Surely your youngest is now of an age to be sent out to clean chimneys? And I assume the eldest is comfortably ensconced in Eton as a full boarder. So all you must do all day is wait around for Mrs G to return to feed you hand peeled grapes and fine wines as befits your status as reknowned author. I assume your butler updates your blog for you.

  22. 477. Too hectic

    Forgive the sporadic updates to Bob - with the wife recently back at work and nursery care seeming to involve me doing everything (small exaggeration), plus the Daredevil Fishing writes and rewrites, feel have too little time to potter. And now I'm being chased for Lindsay Duncan (as opposed to being chased by Lindsay Duncan, which would be unlikely), plus a radio script - and Mrs Dextrose is due in three months. Zoiks.

  23. *splutter, drops monocle into brandy glass* A writer who knows next to nothing about Shakespeare? *no wonder we lost the Empire*

  24. And now I've googled Goneril and understand. I know less about Shakespeare than I do about the petting habits of Latvians. Had you asked whether I'd called the other kid Carter, I'd have got it straight away.

  25. Goneril's a lovely name. You telling me you don't like it?

  26. *phones childline immediately* and you do realise Your Good Lady can see you have been slacking by checking your blog. Is your other kid called Goneril btw?

  27. 476. Gotta be quick

    Looking after Regan today again, since the wife went back to work this week, so allowing self 46 seconds of the alloted 163 to update Bob the Blog. Have realised now have nothing to add and cannot retrieve said seconds. Hmm.

  28. 475. Mrs Dextrose!

    At last, contracts confirm it. Looking for Mrs Dextrose will be published next May, and more importantly I have until January 20th to write it. Having typed '...will return in Looking for Mrs Dextrose' at the end of the ItFoHD manuscript at least half a decade ago, it is coming to pass. Am very excited. (And may start up the Twitter page for Mrs Dextrose again, in which I will Tweet re the writing process and plotline brainache - will see.)

  29. 474. A little originality at last!

    Now a princess (named Fatty) needs my help!

    I am a princess i need yr help to transfer my father wealth pls reply me urgent

    Par votre hôte: Faty Wedrago

    Date: mardi 13 octobre 2009

    Heure: 8h 00 - 9h 00 (GMT+00:00)

    Rue: Dear friend, How are you today,i hope fine?I am a female student from University of Burkina-Faso, Ouagadougou. I am 22 yrs old. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier 1 year ago and left I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death.I was a princess to him and I am the only person who can take care of his wealth now because my junior brother is still young and my late mother is also late two years ago before the death of my Late father. He left the sum of USD 5,350, 000.00 dollars (Five Million, Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand US Dollars)in a security company.This money was annually paid into my late fathers account from Gold Exploring companies operating in our locality for the compensation of youth and community development in our jurisdiction. I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town.Now, I urgently need your humble assistance to move this money from the security company to your bank account after which i come over to meet with you. and I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me invest this money wisely.I am ready to pay 30% of the total amount to you if you help us in this transaction and another 10% interest of Annual After Income to you, for handling this transaction for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund,i need your picture and your details.Do send it to me before tomorrow morning.This is my home address,From Burkina Faso in West Africa.Home Address: Rue 54 ave. LOUDIN

  30. Maybe the planes crashed into each other, and the grief and shock has casued the mailers grammar and spelling to fall apart. I reckon all the mails look like a sound financial investment to me. Now, could I interest you in a certain 'Tower Bridge' property I happen to be selling?

  31. 473. PS

    I shall be making the Dextrose announcement tomorrow. Definitely.

  32. 472. Hang on

    I don't normally read my spam for obv reasons, but I just did and i could be a very very rich man soon! I've got loads of people with millions of dollars thanks to dead blokes in plane crashes! Except for this one, in which the poor family died in a plan crash. (How many of my plans have crashed. However I survived. Seems I was the lucky one.) At least this one is risky free:

    BUSSINESS TRANSATION FOR YOU

    By your host: kabiru Abrahim

    Date: Saturday October 10, 2009

    Time: 10:00 am - 11:00 am (GMT +00:00)

    Street: Dear Friend I am Dr kabiru_abrahim the Director in charge of Auditing section in Bank of African ouagadougou, Burkina Faso,I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of($14 million us Dollars.) to your bank account. The fund belong to our deceased customer who died with his entire family in an a plan crash, leaving nobody behind for his claim and as such, I decided to contact you to enable us claim the fund. Your share is 30% while 60%for me 10% will be used to defray all expenses incurred in the process of the transfer. Contact me through my private email kabiru_abrahim@mail.ru for more details: on how the business will be executed,send me your contact information.1.Age,2)Residential adress,(3)occupation,(4)private telephone,This transaction is 100% risky free. Thank WAITING TO HERE FROM YOU

  33. 471. Finished

    I just sent off the Daredevil Book for Anglers, which is out next May - not in time for Xmas, the date I had in my head for some reason - and can be pre-ordered off Amazon by hitting that cover there.

  34. I just love that it's the same story, even the same amount, but with different names. Can they not change it just a bit?!

  35. 470. Luckiest guy in the world!

    From Anvil to this! I've been contacted by another bloke (or perhaps a lady - he's not sure) who's found 14.5 big ones after some chap died in a plane crash - yet completely different names from our good friend Bob Hakam. (Gee, I miss Bob.) Here's the email, from Patrick/Patricia, who may be a cross-dresser. Do I have a strong enough hand to go ahead?

    From: Mrs. Patricia Robertson

    Johannesburg, RSA

    Investment Proposal

    Good Day.

    This email transmission is coming to you from my residence because of it's confidential status. However, this letter contains some confidential materials and should be deleted from your mail box indicating that you are not interested concerning the proposal. For the formality of this transaction I would appreciate introducing myself.

    My names are Mr Patrick Robertson, the director of audit in First National Bank Haughton Estate branch here in Johannesburg, South Africa.

    We discovered an amount of $14,500.000.00 (Fourteen million five hundred thousand united states dollars) during our audit and the amount belongs to Mr. Ziya Bazhayev who died in the plane crash of Yak-40 jetliner on March 9, 2000. You may follow the Link below to read about the plane Crash which cost my client his life:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/world/europe/672849.stm

    I and my colleague have all the necessary documents involved in this deposit. Now I want you to stand as the next of kin and help us transfer this amount of money from the bank here to your bank in your country. We assure you that this transaction/deal is 100% risk free and I will prepare all the documentation and prove the source of the fund before the transfer.

    Furthermore, I would want you to understand that this business involves two bank top officials and must not be played with. We advise that you think very well before responding to this proposal because we need a matured and strong hand that can handle this transaction.

    Your percentage and other important details will be discussed once I confirm your kind willingness in assisting in the transfer.

    We anticipate your prompt response indicating your willingness and readiness to proceed.

    Best regards.

    Sincerely,

    Mrs. Patricia Robertson

  36. Very kind of you to say so, Royston, thank you, but fear not I was in a light-hearted mood - if admittedly resigned - when i wrote those comments. Something to do with that Anvil movie, I suspect. Onwards and sideways!

  37. Nick-you have written books that people take great pleasure in reading, so don't be on such a downer! Book sales always take a dip at some point-sometimes because of the second hand market for a start. So realise that your writing has made many a reader chuckle and ignore the current sales figures.

  38. Erratum. That last entry should have been 469. I can't even count. Sigh.

  39. 468. Am I Anvil in disguise?

    To rub in my Anvilness, my bi-annual DILY royalty statement arrived this morning. It seems I'm selling minus books. Sort of DILY black holes. I don't know how this works, but it goes beyond 'demoralising', while flicking Vs in the rear-view mirror and leering slightly. I console myself that Anvil are now headlining huge festivals and are finally the success they dreamed of being. Bless.

  40. 468. Anvil

    Just watched The Story of Anvil, doc of the 80s metal band who never quite made it. (One for you, esp, Dave.) Yes, it was very funny, knowingly Tap, but also very affectionate. Man, I cried twice. Loved it. Highly recommended.

    PS Still waiting for my Dextrose announcement. Am feeling a bit like Anvil myself.

  41. PPS All the reviews of DILY on Amazon have disappeared! (Mind you, a few of them am glad to see back of.) Still odd, though.

  42. Am lost for words.

    PS That Dextrose announcement - though later than I was expecting - should be happening tomorrow. I hope.

  43. giant cough? Don't tell me your wife is giving you a 'medical' as you type?

  44. Royston, please. There are some things i wish i had never committed to print. Giant cough.

  45. Got to say I rather like the new logo ... I am quite excited to see how the new series turns out - and we've got the old one to end yet

  46. I believe a certain author once wrote that his wife 'wore a nurses uniform.' Mayhaps that same author will be treating his wife to a Xmas pressie with a Dr Who theme.

  47. Thanks for all the comments, the rec (have considered that one in the past - am v tempted) and general to-do. Anyone catch Amy Pond in yesterday's papers? That police uniform looked suspiciously non-reg.

  48. Looks like something the cybermen would use!

    Jeez I find those dvd extras of interviews with people unsettling-watch someone aged about 30 capering around a Who episode and then-bam!-fast forward 35 years to have them interviewed with all those years suddenly dumped on them.

  49. It's very hardcore HD, like the TARDIS and the Sonic Screwdriver. Can't say I particularly like it, or dislike it. Actually feeling a fair amount of indifference about Who 2010 still - not enough info been released to get me excited.

  50. 'Chunky and retro' just about covers it.

    It's really good.

  51. The new logo is a lot better than what they've got at the moment. I suppose the only gamble is that by making everything new (Doctor, companion, Tardis exterior/interior, etc) a lot of people might become alienated - no pun intended! I for one can't wait for the new Matt Smith season. It promises to be interesting if nothing else.

    Quick book recommendation for you, if I may be so bold. 'The Fallen' by Dave Simpson, where he attempts to track down former members of The Fall & there have been a few! For anyone who moans about their boss, you want to try working for Mark E. Smith!

  52. What are everyone's thoughts? I love it. Chunky & retro. Anyone else? http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/logo/index.shtml

  53. I take it as a given that we've all seen the new Who titles. They are really going for a 'new broom' approach, aren't they?

  54. Wahoo-got Frontier/Planet yesterday thanks to amazons pre ordering. Watched first two episodes last night. Bliss.

  55. Thank you for clearing that up.

  56. Its a hoax. Good old 419 scams - that would be the fella offering the money. Have a look at http://www.419eater.com/ - a bunch of people who lead them on. Read "Carving for cash", and "A stunt too far" - a new character in life called Klench Mychiques

  57. RE. Letterman. Ironic that his behaviour seems to be acceptable to joke about when this is the very man who was party to dropping Bill Hicks' last ever appearance on the show on the grounds that it's content would offend the great viewing public! The very public who appear to lap this sort of 'frat-boy jock' thing up...

  58. I thought he'd bought a base too. What I couldn't work out is whether he was a complete dick or was having the bloke on?

  59. I thought he'd bought a pizza base, but no, he's opened it upside down! What an idiot!!

  60. 467. And I rarely - if never? - pass on 'funny' emails, but...

    There's an audio file in that red circle at the top of the pic queue - and I can't decide whether it's a hoax or not.

  61. 466. It's not often that I moralise...

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/oct/02/david-letterman-sex-blackmail-plot?CMP=AFCYAH

    But I can't believe an American TV audience claps, laughs and cheers when Letterman admits to sleeping with women who work on his show, when there are abuse of power issues, quite apart from the fact the he is married with a five-year-old son. Made me feel a little queasy.

  62. And I didn't mind that Buffy version of the Japanese haunted house. But generally. I'll dig out my PD collection on VHS, as I imagine I have most. I've seen Earthshock a couple of times and I surely must have seen his Dalek effort. Hmm. Indeed I might rake through the entire VHS shebang and delight in a memory or two. The weekend beckons, after all...

  63. Hi Nick. Davison had some pretty decent stories, some verging on the great. Admittedly there were some right howlers as well such as 'Four To Doomsday' & 'Time Flight' but off-set them against 'Earthshock' (your bezzie mate's swansong!) & 'Resurrection of the Daleks' (perhaps the biggest Who body count ever) & you won't be disappointed.

    Know what you mean about Hollywood remakes of British/European/Rest of the bloody world classics. The Stallone version of 'Get Carter' is something that will haunt me forever, made even more of a travesty by the fact that Michael Caine actually appears in it! Still, a valuable lesson was obviously learnt as I gave the Nic Cage version of 'The Wicker Man' a wide birth - you cannot improve upon perfection. Having said that, 'The Ring' films with Naomi Watts weren't too bad...

  64. Hi Ade - Thanks for the recs. I watched a few Davisons a decade or so back but not Black Orchid as I recall. Must give it a shot, as it's hanging about on VHS somewhere here. (Must also watch that last PD story, which I see won DWM's Best Story Ever poll of late.) Do watch Let the Right One In as the original - America rarely improves upon these things. And ta for the Nazi zombie nod, will look for that in the local - sounds right up my street.

  65. Thank the Lord for the BBc iPlayer! Just been listening to John Simm on last Saturdays Jonathan Ross Radio 2 show. These last 2 Tennant specials sound like the dogs proverbials! Also, just listened to Jah Wobble on the Radcliffe & Maconie show. Geezer!

    Speaking of Who... watched 'Black Orchid' recently. Davison finally justifies those cricketing whites & 2 Sarah Suttons for the price of 1! Seriously though, not a bad little story - I seem to recall that there were a couple of these 2 parters during the 5th Doctors era.

    Nick, just finished reading 'Let The Right One In'. Well worth a go. Quite fancy watching the film after your recommendation. It's being remade in America apparently. I heartily recommend 'Dead Snow', a Norwegian horror/dark comedy about Nazi zombies! What's not to like?

    Oh & give my regards to Mr. Hakam...

  66. 465. Here's a treat...

    I thought I'd binned Bob's very first email - but I didn't. This should make you laugh...

    FROM THE DESK OF MR BOB HAKAM

    AUDIT/REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT OF

    AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK (ADB)

    OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO

    PHONE: 00226-71 19 15 57

    SIR/MADAM,

    I KNOW THAT THIS EMAIL WILL BE A BIG SURPRISE TO YOU, BUT I WANT YOU TO CALM DOWN AND READ VERY CAREFULLY.

    I HAVE A BUSINESS WHICH WILL BE BENEFICIAL TO BOTH OF US. THE AMOUNT OF MONEY INVOLVED IS ($5,700:000:00 FIVE MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) WHICH I WANT TO TRANSFER OUT OF THE COUNTRY TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, ALL TO MY FINANCIAL BENEFIT AND YOURS TOO. AND ALSO TO TAKE MY WIFE ABROAD FOR TREATMENT OF LIVER DAMAGE.

    THIS MONEY IS OWNED BY A MAN CALLED JIN SUN, A BUSINESS COMMERCIALIST IN WEST AFRICAN REGIONS. HE HAS BEEN DEAD SINCE THE YEAR 2004 AND SINCE THEN, NO CLAIM HAS BEEN PLACED ON HIS BANK ACCOUNT BALANCE. I WANT TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY OUT OF THE COUNTRY BUT SUCH FUND CANNOT BE TRANSFERRED WITHOUT A NEXT OF KIN ATTACHED TO THE FUND. THE FUND COULD BE TRANSFERRED IN THESE WAY; YOU SHALL PRESENT YOURSELF AS A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE TO THE DECEASED PERSON [LATE MR. JIN SUN]

    AS DETAILS SHALL BE THAT, YOU ARE THE CARE-TAKER BUSINESS ASSOCIATE TO LATE MR. JIN SUN AND HIS PROPERTIES I SHALL MAKE AVAILABLE TO YOU MATERIALS AND INFORMATION WITH WHICH A SUCCESSFUL CLAIM SHALL BE PLACED ON THE FUND. I SHALL ALSO BE YOUR GUIDIANCE AND INSTRUCTOR THROUGHOUT THE DURATION OF THIS TRANSACTION SO AS TO ENSURE A SWIFT AND SURE TRANSFER OF THE FUND TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

    AS TO YOUR BENEFITS, YOU SHALL BE ENTITLED TO 40% OF THIS FUND FOR YOUR COOPERATION IN THIS TRANSACTION WHILE 5% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR EXPENCES INCURED DURING THE COURSE OF THIS TRANSACTION. SO IF YOU ARE INTRESTED, SEND A REPLY TO ME IMMEDIATELY AND IN YOUR REPLY PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR [PRIVATE PHONE NUMBERS FOR POSIBLY CONTACT] URGENCY HAS TO BE IMPLIED AND THIS BUSINESS MUST STRICTLY BE A DEAL BETWEEN BOTH OF US.WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE SO THAT I CAN MOVE AHEAD AND GIVE YOU THE INDEPT DETAILS CONCERNING THISTRANSACTION AND ALSO THE STEPS TO TAKE FOR A SMOOTH TRANSFER OF THE FUND INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

    BEST REGARDS,

    MR. BOB HAKAM

    PHONE: 00226-71 19 15 57

    ALTERNATE EMAIL: bobhakam2007@voila.fr

  67. 464. More from Bob!

    I thought he'd sussed me, but he hasn't!

    Dear Nick,

    I should be the one tobe afriad here for the fund will be coming to your country, so all i need from you is your sincerity and uprightness in this transaction so that we will succeed.

    I will still like to remind you that this transaction is optional, if you find out that u cannot do this with me, i can still get another person who will help me champion it.

    BOB HAKAM

    He wants me to be 'sincere and upright'! But at least the transaction is 'optional'! Aw, bless. Now, what to reply?

  68. I have an affection for the Doctors MFI furniture in the Tardis.

  69. Lordy, but I loved Planet of the Daleks as a kid. Jo's infected arm scared the hell out of me (as I was destined never to focus my attention on her hemline instead).

  70. Well we just had Ugandan discussions in assembly (a teacher from a school there came to talk to us). Unfortunately no teacher on the staff reads Private Eye so the joke was lost.

    As for Pertwee-am hyperventilating awaiting Frontier/Planet dvd! Then I will simply lose a weekend watching them both and all the extra features.

    Actually some way beyond hyperventilating as 4 of the Rathbone Holmes films have been released all coloured in! and my delivery of said films awaits collection at my local post office.

  71. 463. Incidentally...

    I have been amusing myself by replying to one of those pathetic spam emails, usually from Nigeria way, in which a bloke tells you he needs you to put his million quid in your account for him. How lucky can one get?! Obviously, once they have your account details, that's the end of your savings (or my overdraft). Anyway, 'Bob Hakam' told me he had loads of cash and that his wife was ill and he needed my help. Instead of discussing the dough I keep asking how his wife is, and most recently asked for the photo of her he had promised to send. Here's 'Bob''s latest reply:

    Dear Nick,

    Thants for your concern over my wife's health, i will send you her picture only if you admit that u will help me get solution to her problem, know it that i am not samplying my wife to all and crannies, so pls indicate so that in my next mail, i will send to you a text of application which you will fill and send to my bank for unward process, also i will attach my wife's picture for you.

    BOB HAKAM

    I sense a little impatience creeping in. If you'd like to ask after 'Bob''s wife's health too, his address is: bob_hakam2007@yahoo.com

  72. Agh! It's not 13.25, it's 01.25!

  73. PS That clock beside the last entry is wrong. It's not 13.23 and I can't sleep (which would be topsy-turvy). It's 01.23. Comes to something when you can't even trust technology to understand the 24-hour clock.

  74. 462. Can't sleep

    So have been reading lots of books at the same time (apart from the bit where I'm here, typing). Adored Michael Palin's first volume of diaries and currently up to 1981 in his new volume. Palin writes as he speaks - ie soothingly - and reading him is cosiness incarnate. Then there's Mark Blake's Pink Floyd book, which I've only just started. Really I just want to read about how much of a git Roger Waters is - and have not been disappointed. Seem to recall a schoolfriend describing him as unpleasant, though don't quote me on that. And finally, a book about the gestation of Dad's Army, a show that has dated but which retains moments of genius (until the later, lazier, slapstick series). One great fact I discovered. Did anyone out there know that Jon Pertwee was offered - and accepted - the part of Captain Mainwairing? Then later backed out? Ah, trivia, I luv ya.

  75. 461. Hmm

    Still waiting myself. Am hoping that good news arrives like buses (ie in threes) as could do with a new kettle arriving in the post even though I haven't ordered one, and to discover that I am married to Piper.

  76. 460. Good news

    for fans of Harrison Dextrose imminent - watch this space (not literally)...

  77. *in one deft move applies handbrake turn using wooden toy duck as brake, peels off nappy and, cleverly calculating the angle of arc +drag coefficient, hurls it at Nick*

  78. * carefully replaces Royston's toys and returns dummy to gob, pats head, recounts syllables in winning entry yet again, considers bill-i-on to be three syllables, wonders whether this is right yet again, consults non-existent Rules of Compo, spots clause "The Judge's decision is final", kicks Royston's pram down a big hill and watches chuckling as it heads towards a big river *

  79. *sits sullenly in pram wondering where all the toys have gone*

  80. *Phones serious fraud office* the winner has 15 or 16 syllables (depends how you count 'billion'). fix fix fix

  81. Isn't the winning Haiku a syllable short? *phones injurylwayersforyou*

  82. 459. Yeek.

    Just spotted that my haiku below runs 5-8-5 syllables!

    One syllable too

    many. Nick commits hara

    kiri and bows out.

    (Agh! Hooked on haikus!

    Am I turning Japanese

    as did The Vapors?)

  83. 458. AND THE WINNER IS...

    Thanks for all the entries.

    Royston, rest assured

    Yours was not the onlyreal name

    among the monsters.

    The judges (me and me) have picked two runners-up who receive nought bar adulation. They are:

    "Ia... er, Davros" with:

    Is it spurious

    To wish the Doctor was gay

    Or bi-curious?

    and "Ro... er, Sontaran" with:

    Chip makes Cassandra

    wet but the Doctor gives blow

    job she won't forget

    Which is rude bit made me laugh. However it did not make me laugh as much as this Winning Haiku, which, though I cannot agree with the sentiment, is very funny. Take a small bow...

    "Hanna... er, Are_You_My_Mummy" with:

    Oh Poor Face of Boe

    Five billion years being

    That cunt Barrowman

    Hannah, I'll be in touch.

  84. Back shortly with the results...

  85. *bursts through doors of last chance saloon holding sheaf of haikus, points them at Nick*

    ''This is a magnum of poetry. Your thinking to yourself have I written four or five. Are you feeling lucky punk?''

  86. Ah, bollocks - missed it. The counter is at 50010. Never mind.

    For what it's worth...

    Hartnell and Troughton

    Pertwee Baker Davison

    Next two are just shit

  87. PS Aren't haikus brilliant?!

    PPS I'd guess less than 24 hours till the deadline's up - so last chance saloon for entries to the compo...

  88. Royston, you're a tit

    Your punishment: one-way trip

    to Newport Pagnell.

  89. Oh well-though I set up jauntily named yahoo account as per instructions, cos I used my real name to set it up it has reached you with my real name visible-thus voiding the competition rules. *squints at small print for punishment of breach* Siberia? Jeez *packs suitcase*

  90. Alas wail and teary

    Sob confirmation back I

    Lack. All gone astray?

  91. 457. Time running out

    Only 161 more hits until the counter hits 50K and the Sands of Time run out (ie my competition closes). Scroll down to find blog 454 to find out how to enter your haikus and win a complete, signed set of my books...

  92. Dear Face_of_Ho, thanks for the note and for putting an image of a bloke enthusiastically watching Who at Xmas in my mind's eye. That's my local library, too, which is odd, so there's a chance I might even bump into your boyfriend (which I will presumably do a short time before I see him).

    PS I watched Peep Show again last night (more sober) and it did improve. Though not enough. I await ep 2 with some trepidation.

    Dear Royston, Fear not, I confirm

    receipt of any entries

    because I'm polite

  93. How do we know that

    Our masterpieces have got

    To your e mail slot?

  94. Peep show was such a let down. I really hope it gets funnier once it gets going again.

    Just finished DILY (really enjoyed) and have bought WGT for my boyfriend for his birthday. I think he's an 8 or 9 or the geek scale, he has two life sized cybermen masks (one classic one new), every issue of RT with Doctor related covers since time began and I think I once caught him beating off to a Christmas special.

    I borrowed my copy of DILY from Stoke Newington library and it's 2 weeks late.

  95. 456. How disappointing

    was Peep Show?

  96. Thank you, Royston. And a top weekend to all. Peep Show back tonight...

  97. School blocks them all-its a miracle I can access this site! She Who Must... visits this weeked, and will have her computer and dongle so...

  98. 455. Get haiku-ing!

    Only 470 more visits until the deadlines ends! (See blog 454 below for details.)

  99. Doesn't have to be Yahoo, any free web mail will do. gmail via google? hotmail via msn??

  100. Drat and double drat-school blocks yahoo, so no competition entry for me. Hmm perhaps I could accuse Nick of Yahooism and make a fortune in the courts.*

    *I would settle out of court for £638.

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